The Way We See Our Partners is the Way They Become

When it comes to intimate or meaningful relationships, the way others see us tends to have a prophetic influence on us. Our lenses dictate our reality. This is one of the most underestimated laws of relationship. The more someone believes in us, the more we begin to believe in ourselves. The more someone criticizes us, the more we begin to appropriate those qualities.

The strongest belief always wins.
So the more you see your partner as lazy, weak, or misbehaving, the more you are strengthening those features in them. Whatever you mention the most is what you enhance the most. Resisting a particular trait in a partner is a way of focusing on those things we dislike. Through our focus on them and our resistance to them, we prevent them from diminishing.
What you speak to in your partner is what they become.
This law works the same way when it comes to what you focus on in yourself. Every time you say, “I’m such a mess,” for example, you make yourself be more like that. What we focus on and speak out, we make more and real. I call it FOCUS POKUS. Such statements can have the power to transform us just like a magic spell. Many of us in adulthood work hard to undo some of the spells from childhood. If I was told as a child that I am bad, for example, I would begin to expect it of myself in time. Some of us may have been exposed to such a message hundreds of times. However, as adults, we are always responsible for the experience we create through our chosen attitude and perspective.
Choose very carefully what you point out in another.

emotional health life coach

Diana Deaver is an emotional health life coach practicing since 2015. Her work is based on Jungian and archetypal psychology and it strongly takes into consideration the unconscious. Her emotional healing work encourages a process of gradual integration of all aspects of the person. She offers one on one life coaching sessions via phone, zoom or Facebook messenger. Email her at to schedule your session centered on you and your emotional healing.