One of the most common obstacles to mental and emotional healing is self-loathing. Self-loathing is when we actively criticize, judge, reject and resist different parts or versions of ourselves. When we get accustomed to beating ourselves up or shaming ourselves it’s often because we are only focusing on our shortcomings. We become one-sided in our perspective and forget to see the good. The longer we spend counting our faults the deeper we get into a shame spiral, the less we remember to look at the bigger, fuller picture.
Self-loathing also causes us to imagine that the world judges and rejects us (projection). We project our own self-hatred onto the world. This makes us extremely sensitive. We look for proof that others feel about us the way we feel about ourselves. When we get into a self-loathing spiral we may be tempted to self punish, self abandon, self negect.
The truth is everyone has flaws and continuously beating oneself up does not help with healing, it only delays it. It causes inner conflict which can become absolutely exhausting when engaged in the long term. I’m sure you know how challenging it can be to be around someone who is always hard on themselves. It’s like watching someone attack themselves.
So please consider being patient and compassionate with yourself especially when you notice a tendency to pull yourself apart. Say out loud:
May I be loving to myself. May I willingly choose to nurture what is good in me. I am worthy of love as I am.
Consider committing to a life without self-hatred.
Diana Deaver is an emotional health life coach practicing since 2015. Her work is based on depth psychology principles and she encourages a process of “peacemaking” with all aspects of the Self, no matter how terrible they may appear. She offers one on one life coaching sessions via phone, zoom or Facebook messenger. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule your session centered on you and your emotional healing.