Understanding the fear of “Not Good Enough”

“You’re not good enough”- how many times a day does the judge in our minds want to point that out?

As human beings fear is something we will constantly be experiencing. We at some point we all fear that we may not be good enough for something in our lives. How we react to our fear determines how we live our lives. Today my invitation is to be curious as opposed to judgmental. Let’s set aside the need to classify things as good or bad and look at how they are with curiosity and compassion. In order to understand the fear of not being good enough let us sit with it, get to know it, explore all the possibilities it brings about.

Here are a few tips and questions on understanding the fear of not being good enough:

  • You may have a hard time understanding what makes you afraid if you are resisting your fear. Consider being ok with the fear of not being good enough for today. Only once we understand can we accept and only once we accept ourselves can we choose to change.
  • Start with making a drawing of the fear of not being good enough. What does it look like, what does it feel like? Where does it show up? Draw a human body outline. What colors would you choose to describe what being afraid of not being good enough feels?
  • What could the purpose of this fear? How could you know your courage if you never felt your fear? What is one thing you have learned about yourself as a result of having this fear?
  • What situation and what person does it remind you of? Could fear of “not good enough” be fear of rejection. Could it be that you have already felt rejected? When did it happen? What did you need then? What would you have liked to happen instead? Is that what you need now? How can you offer yourself that?
  • Could it be that you choose the thought you’re not good enough so that you can reject yourself first? Could it be a control technique? “If I reject myself first through my fear of not being good enough then I won’t be surprised or hurt when you do it, because I have already done myself.”
  • What if what you’re really afraid of is being good enough? What if you use your fear of not being good enough to cover up the fear of success?
  • How do you react to your fear? Do toy Fight? Flight? Freeze? Facade? Write down something you do or don’t do as a result of your fear of not being good enough.
  • How do you cope with your fear? Can you pay attention to what you do to feel better?

These are just a few questions and thoughts meant to help with understanding and accepting our fear of not being good enough. I encourage you to journal the answer to each question. I’d love to hear any new things you may have learned about yourself in the process. Most of the people that do this work with me report feeling lighter, more at peace. Self acceptance, self compassion and even self nurturing come easier when we understand what dictates our behavior.

Additional Resources:

Article: The Illusion Of Good Enough

Here is a great video in which a woman shares her personal journey from self doubt to self acceptance and self nurturing.

Here is another great video about how to give less power to the stories we make up about ourselves: