To be emotionally available for sustainable intimacy means to be able to be present with another person, to be able to see them, hear them, communicate compassionately with them and also share ourselves in a respectful and meaningful way.
But when we project our own desires and expectations, when we trigger around our own insecurities and enter the game of hiding them or manipulating our way out of our discomfort, then it’s much harder to still see and be fully there with our partner.
Increasing emotional health often requires tending to the places we hurt already. Our awareness of or complexes and sensitivities can help us remember that it is not our partner who is responsible for them. When we take responsibility for our experience, there is no one else to blame for our choices, and we can begin to address the places where our emotions take over our will and become compulsive.
The healthier we are emotionally speaking, the more present we can be in our relationships. We become more grounded, our hearts feel safe to open to another and our minds remain clear, calm, and receptive, flexible. It is possible then to function well in relationship, to navigate with grace the inevitable moments that get painful.
How to know whether you’re emotionally healthy
You are emotionally unhealthy if:
you’re afraid of certain emotions or you judge being emotional as being weak Example: you embarrassed to let anyone who you feel sad
you are avoiding your emotions with behaviors that are detrimental to you. Example: binge eat or binge drink to cope with shame, anger or sadness
you feel overwhelmed or overpowered by your emotions and think you can’t handle them
you cover certain “unacceptable emotions” with more acceptable ones. For example, you get mad to cover up your sadness
How this changes once you tend to your emotional health:
You know your emotions are a normal and natural aspect of being human and are not intimidated by them
You are able to hold space for your emotions and respond to them consciously
You know you are capable and trust yourself to hold and process what comes up for you
You are open to all your feelings without judging them and choosing favorites
Diana Deaver is an emotional health life coach practicing since 2015. Her work is based on a combination of depth psychology principles with healing modalities that involve the body and the mind. Her emotional healing work encourages a process of gradual integration of all aspects of the Self. She offers one on one life coaching sessions via phone, zoom or Facebook messenger. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule your session centered on you and your emotional healing.