You are not broken! You don’t need fixing. But you might be in pain. You might have parts of you that have been neglected for a long time, that maybe no one ever showed you how to care for.
Most people naturally desire to improve and will make an effort to move in a direction of expansion and growth. Unfortunately, we often start a new habit and we will go at it for a little while at the beginning. We try a new tool, or a new way of communication or a new way of being with ourselves. Most of us eventually get to a wobbly stage when our new venture doesn’t feel natural quite yet, when it’s still difficult and sometimes even uncomfortable.
Any pottery instructor will show you the unusable vessels that were made by his first-time students. Any child learning to walk has had their knees buckle under them or has fallen and hit their head on the table corner. And oh man, that hurts. The pride hurts, and the ego hurts and our disappointment hurts. That is when we are tempted to quit and we get angry at ourselves for being so naive as to even try.
I am here to encourage you to be patient. Just like a loving parent would put ice on the bump and soothe the pain away, but then keep helping the child learn how to walk, so I ask you to show up for yourself: loving, consistent, encouraging, helpful and most of all filled with hope and faith for this new part of you that’s trying to grow.
You’ve got this! Keep going. This will get easier. Do not give up. Find some allies. Rest and then pick back up. Pick it up again and again and you will succed.
You know you’re pushing yourself too hard and you begin exhibiting chronic stress symptoms: overwhelm, exhaustion, emotional volatility, absent mindedness, constant internal pressure and unavaialbility to your loved ones.
As an emotional health life coach and I am often exposed to inspirational quotes and encouragements shared publicly by other people in the life coaching industry. One of the popular ideas that I come across is that “You have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone in order to grow”. This thought has been so popularized and regurgitated that most people accept it as being the truth without questioning it.
Today I caught myself feeling really grateful for the small black plastic trashcan in my bathroom. This made me smile. I have never before been so mindful of the good in my life as to appreciate a trashcan. To a part of me this felt like a sort of graduation. I have been actively working on my ability to feel appreciative for everything that I am allowed to have and experience. I feel strongly called to take nothing and no one for granted. I want to fully see and feel all that has taken shape in my life. I call this the purposeful appreciation practice. Purposeful Appreciation Practice (or more affectionately called The Bliss Bubble Technique 🙂 involves making time to experience and embody appreciation for all the things and beings that positively impact a comfortable and enjoyable life experience, no matter how small the impact may be. You may ask: well, how do I know if something makes a positive impact. Here are the questions I use to help me with this:
Speed, efficiency, energy, power. We all desire them. But they are not always innate, for most of us they are practices that must be learned and developed. And because life comes in opposites and paradoxes, many of us have began to recognize that power is not possible without powering down.
I have been learning about stillness from animals. They are so comfortable enjoying a moment. No expectation. No “to do”. No end goal. Just being. Content. Still. Present. Watching them fills me with awe…It seems they have a superpower of being comfortable by themselves, no neediness, no phone, no numbing, no distractions. Being present with them, watching them reminds me of my own superpower of being. It seems as if humans will do just about anything to avoid accessing this superpower of being, including me. For us, being alone, doing nothing is often a curse. It’s painful, uncomfortable, something that must be covered, filled, changed. Yet, somehow, underneath my addiction to being busy, to “doing”, there is a deep and powerful calm. I know this peace! I remember it…I too once knew how to just be, I still do. I want to make that my practice again... Photo by me 🙂
The way I see it emotional shedding is the organic process through which our emotional body lets go of repressed emotions.
There are times when things are ok and we are able to slow down. And then all of a sudden, we seem to become very sensitive and emotional without any apparent reason. Then right after we’ve cried o have been kind to ourselves through our sadness we feel lighter than before. I call this emotional shedding- which means your emotional body finally has time to catch up with us. It’s like when we finally take that vacation we’ve been postponing for years and then we get sick as soon as we get there. It’s as if the stress that has been accumulating in our body is finally ready to come out and it’s showing up as sickness. more “Letting Go Of Painful Emotions”
Working with a life coach is a highly personal experience that involves quality one-on-one time and deep meaningful inquiry. Most people who choose a life coach are not only looking for someone to partner with to relieve and heal emotional pain but also someone who can teach them how to do that for themselves. It’s a more intimate process than reading a book or doing an online course, and that’s why, when clients and coaches are matched well, profound life changes take place organically. more “7 Ways Working With a Life Coach Improves Emotional Health”
NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health resources organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.
Visit www.nami.org for more info.
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) is the lead federal agency for research on mental disorders. NIMH is one of the 27 Institutes and Centers that make up the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the nation’s medical research agency. NIH is part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). Find out more at www.nimh.nih.gov
People who give too much tend to create value for themselves through what they have to offer to the world. The more they offer to the world and the better appreciated that is, the more valuable they feel, the more worthy of love and affection they feel. Unfortunately that carries into their everyday life where overwhelm and exhaustion begin show up, especially when they constantly focus more on other people’s needs while neglecting their own’ Over-givers are very attached to the outcome of their giving. If they’ve offered your gift or service and it’s not well-received or well appreciated, they feel resentful , lonely and unappreciated. At the same time over-givers have a very hard time receiving. They often feel uncomfortable if they can’t offer something in return. Whatever you offer them, they feel the need to reciprocate right away or find something of equal value to offer you in exchange. more “Overgiving- Thoughts About People Who Give Too Much (article + video)”
End of Year Emotional Health can seem very out of reach, especially since holiday season tends to be an intense time of the year for some of us. The end of the year is generally an emotional time of the year. Here’s why:
- It’s the end of something. Nature is desolate. The weather is more dull than usual. You tend to be more aware of the passing of another year of your life and well as be faced with the expectations and desires for the following year.
- If you’ve suffered any kind of loss recently, your heart may be tender. When our heart is tender, holiday time will be particularly challenging, an emotional marathon sort of speak. It’s like trying to run on crutches, particularly if you’re used to running away from your emotions during the year. It exhausting and you may feel guilty for not being happier. You may feel inadequate and undesirable.
- At this time of the year we tend to both crave connection and fear connection. we may be faced with the fear of not being good enough to be in the company of someone else
- Because usually the holidays are a time gifts are exchanged, it may be a particularly challenging time for those who are afraid to receive.
Is it possible to manage the difficulty of the holidays? Only if you are willing to.
If you are willing to offer yourself an easier time during the holidays and create more end of year emotional health here are a few tips that might help:
- Preparation is key: just like there is a hurricane disaster relief plan, there can be a holiday disaster relief plan. Consider “donating” time and resources for your “relief”.
- Make several holiday allies– these are people you can reach to for support when you get overwhelmed
- Manage your expectations of how things should be. When you stay present and allow things to be what they are, you save yourself a lot of stress.
- Limit exposure to the elements: practice strong boundaries, know what triggers you and consider avoiding exposing yourself by staying away from potentially harmful situations or people.
- Stock up with supporting options: healthy snacks, healthy drinks, music, movies and peaceful surroundings.
- Have a worst case scenario plan. It can be reassuring to know that you have a plan B in case you get overwhelmed. Talk to your life coach ahead of time and get them to agree to make themselves available to you over the phone if need be. Also have the numbers of several crisis hot lines available.
- Count your blessings– be grateful for what you DO have. What can you notice around you that you’d be sad if it was missing? That’s what you’re grateful for.
- Give it over to your higher power: more than anything the holidays are about connecting with a higher source, a guiding star or a spirit we can hand our messy lives to, when we can no longer hold them. Consider surrendering your weight to be carried by “the spirit” of the holidays.
- Let your heart GROW IN SIZE by giving a hug, a meal or a ride to someone who has it worse than you. Consider sending a word of encouragement to someone else.
- Lastly, once the new year begins consider training yourself to connect with your emotions in a healthier throughout the year. End of year emotional health really depends on how much we have practiced it during the rest of the year.
In reality our happiness does not depend what we do, but what we are. What would you like to be?
Would it be possible for insecurity to be good for you?
As long as we’re human we will be insecure to a degree. I believe that instead of trying to get rid of it, we can use it to propel us. more “How to Manage Insecurity”